WORD to the WORLD!

What's Your Word?

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” ~E.E. Cummings

For most of my life I have been cynical and resigned my life to be all the stories about what happened.  

I recently started to really look, I mean really look and sit with the impact of where I haven't been true to myself and what my word has been and why I find myself in the same place time and time again?!?  From what place have I been operating from, and how I have been showing up and where am I selling-out on myself? 

I want to show up as my word - with a purpose in life, to commit, lead and love but over and over again I just have not.

I love wholeheartedly, I keep agreements and promises, I am committed and naturally a leader ~  at least I think I do!   I take care of myself, I am healthy, I take pride in caring about my well-being, my happiness and am mindful of others.   BUT, behind all my love, my commitments, my promises and leadership my word has been fear, I am not enough, judgement, opinionated and I have operated from there since I can remember!!  I have projected myself onto others and am not walking the talk. 

I withheld what I needed from others and was unable to communicate my emotions. My frustration of not being heard turned into anger whenever I did share my feelings with my family and the relationships in my life. In return I experienced anxiety, guilt, shame, anger, and self-doubt. Being predicable and afraid of vulnerability was a huge price to pay so others would accept and love me. 

I became my story. I compromised my integrity because my voice and emotions were neglected.  I used my story to serve as an excuse for my bad behaviour. If I was my story and what happened then I didn’t have to be held accountable for my bad choices.
I learned how to use others to get the love and attention I didn’t give myself. I defined my self-worth by comparing myself to everyone else, to what they had and I didn't. I tried to look good, as I can take of myself and everything is OK, and so I created unattainable standards and ideals that left me disconnected in a world of unworkability and out of integrity!!

It requires real vulnerability to be authentic. What if I show my true colors and people don’t like the real me? Honestly, even as I write this and think about people reading about my flaws it scares me.  I was lost because I wasn't ready to be found. You don't get found by carrying your baggage from the past to the present you get found by charting a new course! I was just a collection of stories of mismatched memories wrapped up into a body and left to associate myself with what's coming.

Authentic people don’t allow their fears to stop them being themselves. If you are focused on being true to yourself in every moment, you don't operate from a place of fear and worry about always looking good.  There is so much freedom and energy to be found in letting go of standards and ideals and the uncontrolable.

Being authentic is a daily practice. It is a moment-by-moment choice of embracing your truth and being fearless enough to share it with the world. When you have nothing to hide and you can freely be yourself with everyone, there is a profound peace and confidence you share with everyone around you!  When you open up the world opens up to you!

"Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt."  William Shakespeare