What a Difference a Day Makes

Bring on the Vitamin D! What a great feeling to have the sun shine on your skin, seeing the big blue sky and to hear the birds singing.  It's almost that time of year in Vancouver, where we'll soon see the trees budding, and bright yellow daffodils.

A couple years ago I jumped on, Ekhart Tolle, bandwagon.  Did the whole Skype thing with Oprah, every Monday night at 7pm for 10 weeks I would sit with her, Ekhart and millions of others.  I admit I was a little skeptical to the whole thing, the 'Power of Now' and 'Awakening Your Life's True Purpose' by being present in the moment and to slow down my thinking. What, how?  There has to be more to it than that, no magic formula that would help me answer my own questions and get me unstuck?  How do you bring joy, purpose and stillness into your life in a world that never stops, where people's state of consciousness is so ego-based and the world is in conflict? 

I started to ask myself questions, " What does life want from me?".  " How am I getting caught up in my thoughts?".  "What is it that I am putting out to the world, resentment, negativity -perhaps?".  "What is my relationship with myself and the present moment?".  All these questions helped me to put things into perspective and I soon became more aware of my own behaviors and that I didn't like what I was seeing.  I was always thinking about the past and the future and how I was going to deal with what was and what might be instead of what is!  I wasn't ever satisfied.  How could I be?  I was always thinking about what I had to do to change things that already happened or hadn't happened yet!

Granted Ekhart Tolle, has it nailed. I was very inspired purely by his ability to quiet his mind, to eliminate the mental noise and be at peace with the present moment and what is.  All I knew was that my conditioned thinking from the past, and old thoughts needed to change.  I had to stop identifying with the old thoughts and recognize them as past voices.  I soon realized my mind was just a small part of who I was, but I was allowing it to be everything about me.

It's definitely a work in progress.  I do try everyday to do an everyday task and be actually conscious of being present. We are always thinking about the next moment.  Everything we do is a means to an end, but the present moment is all that we have.  Life is too short to spend trying to get somewhere fast, there's an innocence, a sweetness and beauty of this world that still shines through that we seem to miss as insensitive humans.   

An essential part of finding YOU, is the recognition of the "unawakened you". Not everyone is ready yet, but my sense is that the world is ready for transformation. Things can't give you satisfaction, the world cannot give you happiness. So, don't allow the things you have or don't have define who you are.  Dissolve that old consciousness and there is bound to be an abundance of flowering changes.

The Power of Choice

I think, I feel, I choose.  Recognize and claim the power of choice in your life. To recognize the connection between what you think, and feel and the choices you make. To be more conscious.

After a number of lengthy conversations on the phone with a friend and colleague about change and choice and all that I have been sharing in this blog, along with my very own daily ups and downs in this time of transition, I realized the choices I've been making equal my experience and my results. I think X, I feel Y and I choose Z. I know all this yet, sometimes it's hard to do the math!  

We attract by default the life experiences that are appropriate to our unconscious programming, somewhere along the way I decided that this is the way it's going to be, "that's the way life is" mentality. If we begin to bring positive concepts and thoughts into our minds, these positive images begin to take hold and change our circumstances.  Often times we get too attached to circumstances and the outcome. Create more space for the experience and when you ask with genuine wonder, your normal mental process will shift, allowing for something new to occur. 

We are always getting what we want, we manifest it in our intentions - you get out what you put in. We interfere with ourselves and get in our own way.  By being more honest with ourselves and with others creates a positive energy around us and we come into alignment with our heart. Negative thoughts create sabotage and keep us from moving forward.  We have absolute control of what we think, feel and do, and the choices we make determine our experiences in life!

Recognize your choice; go through a week and simply label your choices. For example: I choose coffee.  I choose to take a break.  I choose to go to the gym.  I choose to focus on my writing, instead of watching TV or talking on the phone. As you go through your week identify situations that were not that satisfying - things you wanted a different result from, conflicts or things that did not end the way you wish they had.  At the end of each day, write yourself a note. When_________________________this happens, I think_____________________________and feel__________________________and the choice I make is____________________________.

Notice how often you choose and how you choose. Don't try to analyze, just be a good observer. If you journal your observations you will end up with a clear example of your process and that will help you make better choices and useful changes.

Even I am learning to be fully conscious and more self awareness. I will try to align my head and heart, be committed to self and others and allow it to happen. Know my triggers of self-sabotage.  Be at choice with my life.

If you don't choose life someone will choose it for you ~ go out and create your own experience! 

Change Happens

Welcomed or not, change is unavoidable.  Life itself is change and each moment is different from the next and many we experience are under our control.  Face it, things happen we can't do anything about, we might feel helpless if we see or hear about tragedies on TV, or when we face personal  loss.  Even unexpected rain on our camping trips is frustrating and out of our control. It's how we manage it that helps us navigate the course of our lives.

It's been a month of change for me, maybe even a year.  A lot of change and transition taking place, economic situations, family ties, the change of residence, all things I can work to improve.  There are other kinds of changes I can make by myself - my behaviors, thoughts and feelings, and these kinds of changes will help me to successfully transition from here to there.

People who are successful self - changing individuals follow powerful predictable courses, they don't depend on luck or willpower.  It's a process of knowing where they are at and how they manage their lives in that moment.  Once you determine where you are at in your own life you can create a climate where positive change can occur, you are able to maintain motivation, turn set backs into opportunities and progress, make new habits helpful to you and a permanent part of your life.

How do you determine where you are at?  To make the unconscious, conscious.  It makes sense to raise your level of awareness and acknowledge what is happening for you right now.  It's like Dr.Phil says, "you can't change what you don't acknowledge"!  

Resist change and you will be met with resistance, a constant tug of war. Resistance will show up in many ways in self talk, " it's too hard, it's not my problem, I don't have enough time, I'll do it later, I don't have enough money", don't underestimate the power of the change monster. It's a survival strategy, one you can get past. Once you are able to recognize those behaviour don't serve you anymore, kick them to the curb. If you are able to get past the fear of the unknown you will gain insights on what works for you and what doesn't.  Let go and life opens itself up for you!  

It's a process of doing and being.  Stay with the process and create a support structure. Use that support to be strong with yourself and committed. Use intention and stay the course!

Happy trails!

Chasing Happiness Revisited

Some one a very long time ago concluded, more than anything else, all men and women seek is happiness. While happiness is sought to be found in everything from, health, beauty, fame, fortune and power is it really making us happy?   We think so because we believe having these things is the answer to our happiness.  Have things really changed over the past 200 or 300 hundred years? Do we understand happiness anymore now than we did back then?

We might be healthier and live longer and grow older, despite the fact those that have the least among us, are even surrounded by material things ~ even they turn on the TV, or have luxuries that cannot fulfill the need to be happy or the void of boredom and anxiety.  It seems we spend most of our lives looking for what makes us happy, in things and stuff, as a result at the end of life we feel our lives have been wasted.  

Happiness is not something that happens or is found in material things.  It is not the result of winning the lottery, or a big fancy car, or being the leader of a billion dollar company.  It's isn't found in outside events, it's cultivated in our thoughts and how we interpret them.  I know I keep going back to our thoughts and how changing our thoughts changes our lives, it's because that's where happiness will be found.  People who learn to control their inner experiences or thoughts will be able to determine the quality of their own lives. 

Yes, easier said than done and how do we do this you ask?  It's a work in progress, and one I am determined to conquer.  I believe it means being involved in every aspect of our lives, 100%, good or bad and not trying to look for it.   Viktor Frankl, an Austrian psychologist said, " don't aim for it, the more you make it a target, the more you are going to miss it".  So, how do we reach this elusive goal that we can't reach directly?  I would have to say, it starts with being conscious and real.  Our perceptions of our lives have shaped us and our experiences, each having an impact on the way we feel.

There's not much we can do about the way we look, but we have the ability to change the way we think and the way we feel.  We can decide to change those behaviours, thus cultivating a path to happiness.

How You Think You Are

One thing that I have to say is the most important behaviour I have changed this past year is to let go and to break free from the past and to not identify with it.  Breaking free of the past and past behaviour opens up so many opportunities for change.

The beginning of breaking free or letting go lies first in learning to be with the emotional discomfort rather than run away from it. Being with the pain allows you to deal with it, bring acceptance to the present moment - the moment already exists. Feel it, accept it, allow it and choose to do something about it.  You are not the emotion, so don't identify with it. When you stop identifying with the emotion it doesn't control your thoughts and you begin to disconnect the link ~ change your thinking, change your emotions.  It has no hold over you any longer.  "Emotion in itself is not unhappiness. Only emotion plus an unhappy story is unhappiness".  Ekhart Tolle

Knowing yourself goes far deeper than a set of idea and beliefs.  Knowing yourself has nothing to do with whatever ideas you have floating around in your mind or what you identify with. You are not your story!   Your sense of self is determined by what matters to you in your life - and whatever matters to you has the ability to upset and disturb you.  What matters to you isn't necessarily what you say or believe, it's what your actions and reactions reveal.  You might want to ask yourself, " what are the things that upset or disturb me most?"  If these things have power to upset you, you may want to get curious, be still(quiet the mind) and pay attention to what triggers this behaviour.  Become more alert when a challenging situation happens ~ we are never upset for the things that we think.

The power beyond what we perceive - think, feel, act - can shine through once you let go of that identity.

Chasing Happiness

If you are one of those people who is trying to find happiness, you won't find it because trying to find it is the exact opposite of happiness. Happiness is difficult to catch, but freedom from unhappiness isn't, by facing what is making you unhappy rather than making up stories about it.  There is nothing you can do, face what is going on for you and say, " this is how it is, I can either accept it, or make myself even more unhappy."  

The number one cause of unhappiness is the way we think, our thoughts about it.  Be aware of the your thoughts, you change the way you feel. Instead of making up stories, stick with the facts. There are 3 domains of learning within us; affective (feeling or emotional), cognitive (thinking or intellectual) and psycho-motor (behave or physical).  Change happens when all three elements are addressed in the learning process.  By changing the emotion, actions and thoughts will change. Change the cognitive and psycho-motor changes.  Change the psycho-motor, cognitive and affective domains will shift. Your thoughts limit you and prevent you from taking effective action.  Facing the facts is always empowering.  Be aware of what you think, see the link between your thinking and your emotions.

Chasing happiness is a waste of time. Unhappiness covers up your natural state of well-being and inner peace, the source of true happiness.

What is Life Coaching and why we all need one

Life coaching is a practice with the aim of helping clients determine and achieve personal goals.

Life Coaches use different methods that help clients with the process of setting and reaching goals, with an emphasis on current behaviours rather than the past or motivations and focus on the teaching process to help you reach your goals. 

Life Skills Coach trainings objective is to assist individuals to think through their problems, to support clients to become aware of creative problem-solving and to put them into practice. The coach may apply mentoring, values assessment, behavior modification, behavior modeling, goal-setting and other techniques in helping their clients. Thus, Life Skills can be defined as problem-solving behaviours used responsibly and appropriately in the management of personal affairs; applied to all areas in life; self, family, community, employment and leisure.

 

Originally designed to help “socio-economically disadvantaged” adults who lacked skills to indentify problems, recognize and organize that information, then create an action plan to solve the problem and predict the consequences changed with the evolution of life skills. The developers soon learned life skills training can be used in many situations and can be helpful to both the advantaged and disadvantaged.

Government bodies have not found it necessary to provide a regulatory standard for life coaching, nor govern the education or training standard for the life coaching industry; the title of "coach" can be used by any service provider. Multiple coaching schools and training programs are available, allowing for many accreditation options. However, more and more organizations, corporations, clinics, and individuals alike are integrating coaching into their wellness programs and lifestyles.  Clients are looking for a coach "to really listen to them and give honest feedback." The top three issues in which clients seek help are time management, career and business.

Let me tell you a story about why we all need a coach.  Why we need someone to help us develop the plan and someone who will hold you accountable for working towards that goal.

Most weekday mornings I go to the gym before I go to work. About a year and a half ago I did this and was heading down to work. I used to keep chocolate covered almonds in my car in case I got hungry going to work or coming home.  As I was driving I grabbed a handful and proceeded to eat them. I pulled into the parking lot a while later grabbed my stuff and proceeded to walk to my office. I passed a few staff members on the way holding doors, saying "Good Morning". Walking away several of the people were smiling, almost laughing, as I left them.  I was thinking to myself about what a small difference I made in their days. I was feeling good! Later that morning I was at my desk talking to someone and got up from my chair to get something. I looked down and saw what looked like a melted chocolate covered almond on my chair. I asked the person I was meeting with if I had something on the back of my pants. Needless to say she started laughing. Turns out I dropped a couple of the chocolate covered almonds on my car seat on the way into work. They melted all over the back of my pants .

How does this embarrassing story relate to coaching?

I thought everything was normal and people were smiling because I was being thoughtful and kind. It turns out I wasn't having the impact I thought I was, they just found my "dirty pants" funny. Unless you are working with a coach you are somewhat blind to your behaviour, how you are "showing up" or even how your behaviour might be affecting others and vice versa! You can't see everything that you need to work on. You can't always develop a plan to change because you can't see yourself the way other people do!

Even coaches need coached, shouldn't you find one too?

Find out how reFre5h Life Skills Coaching can help you restart your life!

It's Simple

Happy New Year Everyone!


With a new year comes new opportunities and change.


So often probably everyone at one time or another has wanted to improve at what he or she is doing or facing currently in their own life and the lives of others and fails because they themselves are not committed. We create the very situation we complain about most and we are never upset for the reason you think we are.


F. A. C. T. facing, accepting, choosing and taking action.


Feelings need to be FACED and everything begins with a choice when our lives are not working, there is always at least one thing we are not facing - look where you are not facing the truth. Look for agreements you are not keeping, perhaps you told someone you wouldn't do something and did it anyways.


Facing is seeing reality, ACCEPTING is harmonizing with it. Regard life's experiences as learning opportunities, as challenges to have some part of yourself that most needs ACCEPTANCE.


We are either 100% committed or we are not committed at all. We all have a CHOICE. We are already getting what we are committed to getting. We always get what we are committed to getting. If you are single and not liking it, you've committed to being single and not liking it. If you don't love yourself, you'll always be looking for someone to do this for you.


The past is quite literally irrelevant. It has power over us only if we give it the power each moment. Take our minds off the past and the future and focus our ACTIONS instead on the moments that are occurring constantly. If you do this, I guarantee you will not regret it.


The answer is absolutely simple; by being honest with yourself the truth will set you free! Life will open itself up to you once you learn to let go of the past, stop chasing the future and become fully present in our life NOW. Choose YOU, we have been the given the gift of choice, our troubles begin when we lose touch with the flow, the flow of the spirit inside us. Our troubles will end when we remember to ask questions, speak the truth, and be align what happens in our head with what is happening in our hearts.