When Life Gets You Down - Keep Swimming

 

Tough times are hard, but let them be used to shape who you are meant to be.

 

I hope that each time I post, I am helping someone out there is who is struggling to find their way and making a difference in the lives of people around me.  I struggle too, I struggle with how I am to move forward in life and how to get out of the defeated hole I have dug for myself.

It's not easy. I have always found myself in an internal battle with the saying, "where there's a will, there's a way".  It's okay to accept that there are bumps and problems in life. Don't just try to write them off as opportunities to learn if you're not accepting that it's okay that these issues will come up, and that yes, it's okay to struggle in these times. Times like these are hard, but they are used to shape you into the person you're meant to be. 

 

I didn't take a life coaching course to become a coach, though in the back of my mind I hoped I could be one of those people whom others could turn to for support and guidance to get on with the challenges life was giving them.  I enrolled in a coaching course to help myself be a better version of myself. To find out what choices I was making, and how my behaviour was giving me the life I wasn't happy in, and when I found that I was good at helping others find their voice and courage to ask for what they deserved I pursued being a coach.

 

I have always been someone who's a realist and on the edge of a pessimist depending on the situation and context of a situation, especially when it's a personal issue. With others, I find myself always being more enthusiastic and optimistic. It is a constant struggle for me to always seek to find the good in the times when life seems to just keep beating me down. While I know those times will pass, it's not always easy to choose to believe that 100%. I'm just being honest. Over the past couple years I have really been trying to focus on my attitude and self-talk when it comes to a tough season in life. Even though it's hard to choose to be positive and to keep on going, those efforts and shifts in attitudes really make a huge difference.

 

Anger and  bitterness only bring you down. It's okay. Your feelings are valid. It's okay to feel! When it comes to anger and bitterness, try not to dwell there, because they will only end up beating you down even more. It has been a tough year and I was beginning to feel like I was getting chipped away at, and not feeling so about myself, questioning my self-worth, my inner value and started to feel ashamed of where I got to...and didn't feel good enough.. in my head.  I just felt so defeated and I was angry that these things were happening to me But, sometimes it is more difficult to convince the rest of yourself. I honestly think that the stress I wasn't releasing and that the bitter taste I was holding onto just distracted me from any kind of joy I might have found in the situation. I best advice is to drop the anger and bitterness. Let yourself find rest.

 

The truth is, bad situations happen to everyone at some point. It's not always because of something you did. Sometimes life just happens. Acknowledging that fact will help you to become more free and relieved. Keeping a grateful heart is so, so, so key in trying circumstances. While it may seem impossible to find things to be thankful for in tough times, it's completely possible. When you start to count your blessings rather than your situations of bad luck, you'll find more joy in your circumstances.

 

Sometimes a tough time is just a bad day, but often times it's a bad week, month, or even longer. It's always important to remind yourself that you WILL get through it. You will persevere and rise above! In these times of trials, remind yourself of all of the truths! When life gets you down, remember that it's only shaping you to be a stronger version of yourself.

I have learned lessons through every situation life throws at me, it means even more to me that one day I'll be able to use my experience to relate and encourage others. It's amazing to see how trials can be used for good. It's humbling to be a part of the process of encouraging someone through their own journey.

New Way vs Old Way

 

Coaches often are called upon to help people transition to the next thing. Sometimes clients don’t even know what the next thing is, only that it’s time to do something different. And sometimes the choice is not theirs but is being imposed on them. For many of us, it’s not so much the change that is stressful, it’s the transition between what is and what will be.

 

A  few years ago I moved from Vancouver to my home town. Fortunately, it was my choice to move. Still, the process was exhausting. Step one was making the decision to let go of what I had come to enjoy and take the leap. Changing jobs, saying good-bye to friends and the lifestyle I had become accustomed.  Then came the endless details – letting go of most of the things that had been accumulating for all of those years. I had a month  to pack up and get out. Next was making the new place home, which was actually easier than I thought, because I was moving home, but I moved in with family which had the potential of changing everyone's lives and way of being.

How can coaches help people through times of transition? Here are some suggestions:

1. Help clients focus more on the positive aspects than on the stress. Invoke their imagination by co-creating an image of the future state. What do they see? How do they feel? What are the benefits of the change? Help them mentally leap over the bridge between what is and what could be.
2. If the client is resisting the change (and who doesn’t resist change, at least at first?), ask them some high-octane questions to help them out of their numb state. What is the cost of maintaining the status quo? How can they trust themselves more? How might they see this change in a more positive light?
3. Once a client has made the decision to change—or if they have no choice—they’ll need help going through the process. How can they clear the deck of optional activities that take time and energy during this transition? This is not the time to go it alone. It’s time for them to call in the support system of friends and family.
4. The client needs to have a plan, but should expect surprises—some pleasant, others not so much. It’s all part of the process. How can they increase their capacity to handle ambiguity?
5. Encourage the client to make time for stress management. Most people get so caught up in the stress of change, they forget to take time to take care of themselves.
6. Team with the client to help them keep their forward velocity. Encourage them to celebrate the steps along the way, not just the final outcome. When they get derailed, be there to help them get back on track. Keep moving toward transformation.

Transitions are tough. A coach can provide the energy and perspective needed to help a client successfully move to their next thing—whatever it may be.

Be More With Less

 

 

 

I started to ask myself, "Is less really more?" recently and have come to the place realizing you get into the simplifying of habits, things become much easier with less. Quality results are more likely to be achieved. Life becomes more fun and enjoyable. The pace of life becomes closer to what it should be by slowing down your pace. You feel more anchored, but is feeling anchored just that, an anchor???   That question led me to an important discovery about my life: an anchor is the thing that keeps my sailboat at bay, docked in the harbour, stuck in one place, unable to explore the freedom of the ocean. Perhaps I am anchored, I know that I am not truly happy with my life —and perhaps being anchored isn't necessarily a good thing??

 

In life you attract the energy you put out and teach people how to treat you. The universe will keep sending you problems and annoyances that hit an issue you have within yourself as long as they remain useful to you. Once that issue is resolved, the problem no longer stimulates your personal growth and therefore no longer needs to happen. Happiness therefore lies within a shifting of perspectives in the present moment. Choose to be present and not idealisms, like shoulda, woulda and coulda,  choose to move from panic to be present in the moment and watch a world of magic and bliss open itself up to you.

All well and good, but let's take a moment  to identify the things in our lives that anchor us and hold us back from realizing real freedom - I discovered big anchors (debt, bad relationships, etc.) and small anchors (credit card, internet, iPhone bills, material possessions, etc.) It turned out being anchored has kept me from leading the life I wanted to lead. Not all our anchors are bad, but the vast majority prevent me from encountering lasting contentment.

 

Are you an anchored person? Is that a good thing? What are some of your anchors?

 

Which brings me back to my original set of questions: Is less really more? If so, is more actually less?

 

I suggest the answer to both is yes.

 

Owning less stuff, focusing on fewer tasks, and having less in the way has given us more time, more freedom, and more meaning in our lives. Working less allows us to contribute more, grow more, and pursue our passions much more.

 

Having more time causes less frustration and less stress, more freedom adds less anxiety and less worry, and more meaning in our lives allows us to focus far less on life’s excess in favor of what’s truly important.



 

So, more is less? Yes, more or less.

What Friendship Means

 

 

 

Seems to me the causes of social problems, from Facebook bullying, to divorce and obesity, and everything in between are often thought to be based on stress, or poverty or unhappiness.  But a big part of me feels we are overlooking something very important:  friendships.  I feel like our society is ignoring the importance of friendship.  After a great road trip with my BFF Lynn, I came home to the busyness of life and got all caught up in what needed to be done and the things I should be doing, and started to feel isolated but soon realized how important true friends are, especially in times of misfortune - they are our refuge.

 

Friendships are vital for wellbeing, but they take time and can't be artificially created.  But, it is "time "society claims we don't have. We are too busy for our friends, it is no wonder they are at risk of being neglected.  Nevertheless, I believe we are all aware of the value of friendship, because surprisingly, we are often most like our friends ourselves.   Studies show, if your best friend eats healthy, you are more likely to eat healthy yourself. Married people say friendship is more than five times as important as physical intimacy within marriage.  Those who say, they have no real friends at work, have a "best friend", at work - because when employees find friends at work they feel more connected to their jobs.

 

I believe friendship comes from living a good life, strong  personal values, such as honesty, character and passion. Our culture, for all its benefits, tends to focus more on commerce and taking the magic bullet rather than to help us live a good life.  A friend to me is a person with whom I can be myself and most sincere.  A close friend is a mirror of our own self, someone you realize that you are not alone. Friendship cultivates virtues, such as creativity, and compassion which by the way are essential to a society that flourishes.  If we can't cultivate friendship, we can't lift the burden of our apparently unhappy isolated selves.

 

You know the ones that make you feel the most YOU. The ones that lift YOU up and help you remember who YOU really are! They are the ones that even if you don't see them face to face you feel them heart to heart.

Life Lessons on The Road

 

There are only two mistakes one can make along the road, to not go all the way, and not starting at all!  And, I can add another, not looking at what is right in front of you.

There are so many life lessons to be learned from traveling, and since I have just returned from fulfilling a bucket list item and sharing it with a long time BFF, I figured I have some sharing to do with others.

 

There is nothing like taking a step out of your comfort zone to make you realize that you are a newbie to life no matter what your age.  There are so many things to learn, like how to maneuver your bike down famous trails in mountain biking's mecca-Moab-the premier mountain destination on the planet!  Wherever you go you make friends, and you are never alone.  All it takes is to be the first to smile, and make an effort to join in their celebrations or ask about their lives.  You may not see these folks again, and that's ok. You learn to enjoy transient relationships, because they bring the experiences of others to your journey and perhaps a simple promise to look them up when you visit the area again.   Whether you are staring at a menu or meeting new people, or trying something for the first time, it is all about getting yourself into situations and turning them into amazing experiences and realizing there are no "mistakes'!   Ok, maybe don't eat anything you wouldn't step on in your bare feet, but go have some fun. Read up on the adventure you are about to embark upon, and when something goes off track to you can turn it into something exciting and learn from that too!

 

Every time I travel, and it is not often, but, I  find that I view my life from the outside and find solutions or changes that I never would have seen if I had not gotten away from my everyday life.  As I rode my bike on the trails on Moab and hiked the canyon walls of the Grand Canyon, I reminded myself to stop and look up.  As we live our lives, we keep our heads down and we keep on keepin on - any problems we have, we are in them.  I have found when I travel, I get outside of them slightly.  We always have solutions for other peoples problems but struggle with our own.  That is because we are IN our problems and don't lift our heads and thus can't find solutions to something we are inside of.   You begin to understand a different way of being.  You see everyone differently, that they all have stories. You overlook faults and you open up your eyes to look at life you never knew existed.

 

There is nothing like living amongst people from other cultures to make you understand why people do what they do.  Other ideas, and moral codes and art and religion came from somewhere, each culture has its treasures, so dig them up and enjoy them.  Of all the benefits of traveling, I think that people are our most treasured gifts. Go meet them. Develop a love for travelling and other cultures, religions and lifestyles.